Posted on: December 9, 2009 by Terri
Isn’t that the title of a rock and roll song? As our CLEAR leadership team continues to think and pray and talk about all the things we want for women, these words keep coming to my my mind - girls, girls, girls. There are little girls, young girls, girls becoming women and women, like me, who like being referred to as a girl! For our team, age isn’t an issue; we want to come alongside all women and help them navigate through the waters of the Christian faith! We keep coming back to what we want most for all girls, young and old, - their own personal relationship with Jesus that transforms their lives.
2010 is almost here and we’ve planned a year full of opportunities for women to be challenged, to be inspired, to bring their friends, to meet other women, to serve other women and to pursue spiritual growth. We want all of you to come along as we continue the journey of becoming amazing women of God!
Watch this blog, talk to me (Terri Stone), Diane Karchner, Becky Preston, Renae Stone or Jennifer Thompson. We’re the CLEAR leadership team and we’re here to help you connect with God and each other and to help you grow in your faith. What are you waiting for? Jump in and be part of what God’s going to do in the lives of so many women!
Tags: Christianity, clear, Faith, friendship, God, individuality, jesus, Relationship, Women Filed Under: Christianity, Community, Influence, Leadership, Relationships, Women
Posted on: December 1, 2009 by Terri
The very words piqued my interest in late September. When this news special was announced on The Today Show, I was eager to listen to what Maria Schriver had to say. Reading Maria’s article at www.awomansnation.com shed some light on why she chose to do this study on women and how women are changing the landscape of the United States.
Maria’s mother was her role model - a woman who wore pants when women didn’t, she smoked cigars and worked outside the home. She says her mother raised her exactly like her brothers to believe she could do anything saying, “Maria, this may be a man’s world, but you can and will succeed in it.”
Out of her upbringing and more recently as the first lady of the state of California, Maria’s Women’s Conference was born. Her goal was to create a meeting place where women from all walks of life could come together and share experiences, information and motivate one another. When the 2008 conference sold out in 2 hours she knew something big was happening. Every workshop was packed with women wanting more. What did she learn? She learned that women are hungry for what’s missing in their lives - a place to connect! They feel isolated, invisible, stressed and misunderstood.
I’m certain the Women’s Conference is amazing, what it offers, its size, its celebrity. The lineup of speakers and workshop facilitators is unbelievable. I’m thrilled there’s a movement like this out there. Heck, I want to go! It’s about time women and men unite to bring attention to the inequalities that have existed for way too long, and further they’re working hard to do something about them.
Diane and I have dreamed, prayed, discussed and labored over the last few years hoping to create a Christian women’s movement like Maria’s through CLEAR. What’s different about what we’re doing is that it’s based on women having a relationship with God first and from that becoming deeply connected to one another, sharing burdens, influencing others, finding their voices and making significant contributions in their homes, churches, jobs and communities.
Women, we have the best advocate for equality and change that ever lived! We have Jesus. He came to breakdown all the barriers created from the fall of humanity and to give us what we need to bring about world change. The bottom line is that all the great speakers, workshops and money in the world don’t make a difference if they’re not based on helping women develop and grow in a relationship with Jesus. Why? Why, because there’s no eternal significance without him.
Imagine what we could do if we became razor focused on following Christ the way he asked us to and by uniting in a movement that would develop, encourage, empower and challenge women to make the world what God wants it to be!
Posted on: November 15, 2009 by Terri
It’s hard for me to not take “it” personally, especially when “it” comes to my work. My entire life I’ve loved working. My love for my work started with a few lucrative babysitting jobs, Orange Julius all through high school, managing a real estate office, corporate sales and marketing a few years later and today as the Director of Involvement at Christ’s Church of the Valley. No matter the position, I’m passionate about serving people, building relationships with co-workers and improving the environment in the workplace through my contributions.
The last few weeks I’ve heard a lot of criticism and complaints about areas I lead at the church. What’s worse is I didn’t hear the feedback directly. Boy, was I defensive, confused, hurt, jealous, angry. I kept thinking over and over, “Why didn’t these people come and tell me? They know me. They know how much I want things to be better.”
All week, my facebook posts reflected my reactions to this feedback. All the character flaws I constantly work on, rooted their ugly little heads - jealousy, anger, judgment.
If it weren’t for two good friends, I’d probably still be wallowing in it all. Today’s a better day; God was gracious enough to give me the time I needed to put everything in proper perspective. I realized I don’t have any control over people’s perceptions and the fact that they shared with others instead of sharing with me.
One friend reminded me that my dependence and focus on Jesus are what have kept me grounded in times like these. What’s most important is following him, serving him and others and letting him do the work through me. People are people, me included. We are works in progress. The only things I have control over are the things I say and do and how I exemplify Jesus to others. These are the things I should take personally!
Posted on: July 14, 2009 by Terri
I’ve been in five or six small groups over the last nine years. Half the time I was a member; the other I was a leader. None of these groups lasted very long. My track record in groups basically sucks. I believe it’s extremely important to spend time with other people talking about God, personal ups and downs, work, family, politics, etc. Why then haven’t I fit into the “standard” small group model? Why have these groups gone belly up? Honestly, there are a lot of reasons. Regardless, I still wonder why the small group thing hasn’t worked for me. I would venture to guess that I’m not alone.
I think what’s happened is that we Christians haven’t been very creative, deliberate or willing to step out of our comfort zones to develop the community Jesus intended. Somebody told us years ago that we should get in a group with people we don’t know, sit in a circle, answer questions from a book written by someone we don’t know and end the time together in an awkward time of prayer. Oh my gosh - who feels comfortable in that setting? My guess would be almost no one, but it’s all we’ve ever known.
I’m a fan of Jesus’ approach to small groups. He was a leader who went out and personally asked people to be in his “group.” After they joined him, they hung out and did all sorts of things. They talked about God, they ate together, they traveled together, they served together, they prayed together, they told each other the truth, they questioned each other, they were committed to each other.
Spiritual growth and deep, committed relationships form in all different kinds of settings - playing sports, sharing a meal, shopping, talking about books or movies, serving the poor, studying the Bible, etc. My hunch is that most of us aren’t really getting to know other people so we have no idea whether or not we want to hang out with or have anything in common them. We do our thing Monday through Frinday, attend a church service on Sunday, never saying much to those around us in that service, then we go home and start all over again. No spiritual discussions, no real friendships, no spiritual growth, just the same old.
Personally, Jesus’ approach feels more natural to me. I wonder what it would look if we were all reaching out to others developing relationships where spiritual discussions flow free, fun is being had, service to others is a must and life’s ups and downs are being tackled together, not alone.
Posted on: July 7, 2009 by Terri
Sometimes it seems like we, who are in paid ministry, are on the outside looking in. There’s a world of people out there that Jesus told us to go reach and teach. Everything we do is focused on two things: 1) telling anyone and everyone what it means to have faith in Jesus; and 2) teaching those with faith in Jesus how to be his followers. Sometimes it’s very apparent that we’re worlds apart and we don’t really understand what the other is about. This makes me think we ministry folk need to be even more aware that we’re not only looking out at the world; but that they’re looking back at us as well. The window goes both ways.I wonder what those people on the outside see when they look in on us? Do they think we work hard like they do, burning the midnight oil to get the job done? Do they believe we do what we do with pure intentions and that it’s not about the money? Is it hard for them to imagine there’s any work that goes on outside of what they see during a Sunday service? Do we compare to them and what they do even though we’re in a different industry? Are we considered professionals?
Then you have the other side of the window; we ministry people on the outside looking in on the world of people we’re trying to reach and teach. We’re a lot like them. We have jobs, homes, kids, pets, marriages, illnesses, money struggles, decisions to make, etc. We wonder why they don’t believe what we’re saying. We talk at length about what their needs are and how we can meet those needs. We ask ourselves how we can better equip God’s people to do the work he gave us to do. We consistently strive to break down the barriers between the church and the world. We want to introduce them to the God of the Bible, not the God human beings have created.
I’d love to have all the answers of how to get rid of the looking glass. I’ve committed my life to that very thing. For us who follow Jesus it means being on the streets out amongst them like Jesus was during his lifetime. He knew the people. He knew their needs. He met them where they were. We need to do the same. From those early days in Jesus’ life, we humans have made God an untouchable, strict schoolmaster, who only a few were worthy of knowing. For the church to be what Jesus intended, it needs to be accessible, interesting, relevant, exciting, honest and meaningful. That’s who Jesus was. He didn’t just look at people and wonder; he was in the mix with them. People got to know who he was and what God wanted him to do. They didn’t have to wonder about him either. They were drawn to God through him and ultimately committed their lives to doing the same work he did.
How are we doing when it comes to breaking the glass like Jesus did?
Posted on: June 7, 2009 by Terri
I got tripped up this week by an assumption someone made about me. Honestly, the comment took me by surprise! Thank goodness I’ve matured some over the last few years so I could let what was said go. Later, I did wonder why, in a room full of other people, this person made this assumption about me. What did I say? What did I do? As in the past, the comment was about my position on the church staff, and many times these comments have ruffled my feathers.
I automatically went back down the path of why aren’t women serving in the church in the same capacity as men - men AND women as senior pastors, worship pastors, student pastors - women leading other ministries in addition to women’s and children’s ministry.
I could go on and on with my thoughts and opinions about the state of men and women in leadership roles in the church, but I’ll leave that for another place and time. In reality, another person’s assumptions don’t matter in the scheme of things. The only assumptions and actions I can change are mine. While I work on these things, I long for the day when someone looks at me and makes the assumption that I follow Jesus because of my love for God and people. I also long for the day when I don’t give a rip about my role and title because all I care about is loving God and loving people. No other assumptions would be made and if they are, it won’t matter.
Posted on: June 3, 2009 by Diane
It started today. It goes on early every Wednesday morning. All summer long. The church on the corner that I drive by every morning on my way to work. Seniors showing how it’s done. The Wednesday Wavers!
Each Wednesday I get to witness what it looks like to just be Jesus to a community. For no other reason than to encourage a smile, these committed bunch of senior citizens stand on the sidewalk, holding ‘Have a good day’ and ‘God loves you’ signs and wave at the people in the cars as they drive by. They just smile and wave.
I realized today that I am not a ‘Wednesday Waver’ to very many people - at least not a pure-at-heart Waver. I get too caught up in the result I think should happen - ‘I’ll be kind to that person then that person will want to come to my church/meet God/get baptized.’ or, ‘I could have been mean to that woman cause she was mean to me, but I won’t; then she’ll be nicer/sweeter/more loving to me.’
I too often expect a personal reward of some kind for my efforts, something I can take credit for. The more effort I put into something the more results I think I deserve to see. If I don’t see any, well, then, why should I wave?
Simple.
In Matthew it says that we should do the right things for God, not for people, and not so that we can take the credit, even privately, for the result. Sometimes that means, that I need to stand on the sidewalk waving and smiling, never knowing what happened to the woman who waved and smiled back, to the teenagers on their way to school who honked their horn, to the frowning man who ignored my waving. Just trusting that I am doing what I am doing for God. It’s what he would want me to do, and he sees me doing it.
The rest of it - the outcomes - well, God knows all of that, too, and he’ll take good care of it all.
And that’s enough for me.
Posted on: May 11, 2009 by Diane
Over the past couple of months, I have helped several women write resumes. All have been out of ‘mainstream’ employment for at least a decade. All need to return to the workplace fulltime, either because of economic conditions or change in marital status (or the potential of either or both). I would add this experience to be one of the top ten for the year - so far - for two reasons. First, I was using some untapped abilities I have to help other people; and, second, I got to know these women at a different level than I would have any other way - always a good thing!
What I found most fascinating was that most of them apologized for not having ‘enough real work’ to include; one of them regretted her life choices; another was sure no one would want to hire someone who ‘just stayed at home for nine years’. With all of their “encouragement,” I thought I would really have a challenge pulling something together for them. But, without exception, none of these women were slackards, all had done some pretty incredible, unpaid stuff during their ‘non-work’ years (besides the amazing children they had raised!), and all ended up with an impressive resume that they were proud to be able to send out to potential employers.
In Life Equity U.S. Congressman Marsha Blackburn wrote that, based on her personal experience, she is sure that women underestimate the value they bring to the table - any table - particularly those women who have chosen to stay at home to raise their children, or have focused a large amount of time on volunteerism. She writes, ”The simple but powerful truth is that your accumulated skills go with you. The ordinary, everyday tasks you have been performing are actually the foundation for getting you where you want to go. In even the most unglamorous roles, you have built real leadership ability that has prepared you for bigger things.”
Organizing a church or community event takes identical project management skills, as running a large sales meeting. Speaking for your local P.T.A. takes the same stage-presence and poise, as speaking in front of a management team. The skills are the same. The venue is different.
Moe Grzelakowski in Mother Leads Best notes the impact that children have on women’s leadership abilities at work. Children often bring out the best in women, even though many may not appreciate it until well after the kids are grown. The experience itself - or just an understanding of the experience - builds talents and abilities that should never be underappreciated. Selfless, empathetic, clear communicator, humble, grounded. All learned and honed while holding the hands of our children.
What I, and the women I worked with, learned from the experience is that ‘wherever you go, there you are.’ All of you. What you did today, yesterday and ten years ago is all part of who you are and what you have to offer today - no matter if you were paid for it, or not!! We are truly a product - a total package - of the incredible life of influence that we lead. At home. At the job. At church and charity events. At the grocery store. On the sidelines of the soccer and little league fields.
No matter where we, as women, go, there we are. And from what I can see, that’s a pretty great place to be!
(Also posted at krack-up.com)
Posted on: October 12, 2008 by Diane
I just returned from a conference called Catalyst - a once a year gathering of young Christian church leaders, in fulltime Christian ministry. It was a sold-out crowd of 12,400! This was the third year in a row I have attended this conference, and it never disappoints.
This conference is different than most I have attended because of three things: the target age of the audience (target age is 18 to 35 years old; although this year a third of the attendees were over the age of 40!), the strength and energy of the music (professional, talented, excellent and loud!), and the transparency of the speakers. I have been to other conferences that did one or maybe two of these elements well, but never all three. Catalyst delivers all three, and they do it well.
Here are three of the many things I learned this week:
- First, leaders cannot lead effectively without moral authority – the point in which their creed and their deed align – when what they believe matches their actions. From the Bible, the speaker (Andy Stanley) used the story of Nehemiah who chose not to take extra money and food that he was allotted as the leader because he didn’t think it was right to take it from the hands of the people. As a result, later, he could stand on that creed-matching-deed and ask the wealthy citizens to stop charging interest on the loans they made to the poor. Moral authority gives you influence.
- Second, I learned that there is a whole lot going on outside of my little world to help the poor – all over the world. We were introduced to two young women – one from the Phillippians, one from Kosovo – who were helped by compassionate organizations when they were young orphans, starving, and scared. Both are healthy, Christian women today who told of the fear and poverty they lived in when someone gave them something. One received a shoebox full of toys and candy. The other was “adopted’ by an American family that wrote to her every month with encouragement and the message of how Jesus loved her. Both of these women found Jesus as a result of the compassion shown to them and, as adults, are serving in their countries in the same ministries that helped them so many years ago. Their stories went beyond the pictures of the little children that so often move us for a moment, but rarely into action. These women moved many, into action. I can still see their faces, and hear their words of gratefulness.
- Third, I learned that the difference between a good leader and a great leader is one thing – humility - having passion for the cause, the work, the goal, not themselves. It’s not about them. The speaker – Jim Collins – highlighted the data that his researchers had uncovered about great companies versus good companies. When all other factors were the same, the leader with humility was the one who grew a company that went well beyond expectations. Proverbs 4.10 says it well – ‘Humble yourself before God, and he will lift you up.’
Besides the three insights above…
- I got to ‘high-five’ 15 African kids who are orphans and members of a choir that sang for us – I think I got a peek at what the angels are going to sound like!
- I got to hear the story of a 12 year old boy who started something that led to the building of a school for a village in Africa.
- I had dinner with a woman who is seeking how to reach young leaders to work with the Kiwanis Club International (different, huh?).
- I found out for myself that music can infiltrate your whole being better than any words.
- And, I learned that packing a shoebox full of toys, candy and clothes that will be delivered into the hands of a needy kid somewhere in the world meant more to me than having a good hair (and I’ve prayed to have that for years!)!!
Conferences are often pricey, and sometimes inconvenient to plan to attend. But often, for me, if you find one that you connect with, that offers you what you need to get refreshed and inspired – like Catalyst does for me – I would encourage you to start planning now to attend one in 2009 (love to have you join me at Catalyst next October!).
Check out more about what this conference did for me, personally at my blog.
~Diane
Posted on: October 7, 2008 by Terri
Apparently not! Last week, at a retreat for church planters in the Northeast, 4 men and 3 women from my church’s ministry staff walked into a room full of men from other church staffs. Granted, there were a few wives with their husbands, but the room was filled with guys. Immediately, I felt like a fish out of water, a sore thumb, a square peg. And as the evening continued, I couldn’t get past the uncomfortable feeling I had about being one of a few women in that room in paid ministry. I completely lost sight of the fact that we were there to celebrate the work God is doing in our churches, to share our struggles and successes and to spend a little time recharging. I got over it by the second day, thank goodness!
I shared with a friend later that week how weird I felt that night and the first words out of her mouth were, “You’ve got to get past those feelings and get to the place where you see people when you walk into the room, not men or women!” Ouch! Those were spot on, pointed words. I heard her loud and clear. She went on to tell me that for our daughters gender is not an issue. That said, I decided to describe the retreat scenario to my 21 year old daughter and get her thoughts.
I asked how she would have felt walking into that room. She said, “Ma, this is college life, it’s all about hanging out with the guys.” I went on to ask her how it would make her feel if she was pursuing a career in ministry. She said it would challenge her to keep moving forward and it would motivate her to stay the course.
This is the generation I and others are leading. I get it. They see men and women all around them doing every job imaginable. I never thought with all my hopes and dreams about women’s equality in the church, I’d be the one with the gender issue. The experience and the conversations helped me begin to turn the corner and change my viewpoint. What it all comes down to is the best person, in the right position, for the right reasons – regardless of whether they’re a man or a woman.
