Resolution Rock
Posted on: December 30, 2009 by Diane 1 Comment
from Diane’s desk…
Whatever you do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. ~Wolfgang van Goethe
As we approach the final countdown to 2010, there are few who do not reflect on the past year and wonder…what if…if only…why…why not? At least that is true for me, or was. Until last year. December 2008. I decided to make a change. To forget about the usual resolution to lose weight. After 20 years of that, it gets a little stale!! But to resolve to be different. Not to ‘do’ different - but to ‘be’ different.
Earlier that year my sister - my friend - died. And with death, went years and years of her resolutions and dreams down the drain. Never to be achieved. Dreams kept at arms’ length by fear that masqueraded as lack of finances. Seeing harp seals in the wild; going to college; starting a craft business. Dreams that died with her. One day before the morphine took her clarity, we talked about missed opportunities, those ‘wish I woulda’ dreams. Still vocalizing hope to do it all, her eyes told the real state of her heart. They were sad and deep and dim - she knew it was too late.
In the weeks following her death, I made a promise to myself to cease letting fears stop me. At the top of that list was to face my fear of real poverty by going to Africa to see and work with the urban poor in Nairobi. What would it do to me? Could I handle it? Would I be strong enough to take on what God wanted me to do about it? So in February, off I went - to Africa. I walked in the abject poverty that I had feared. I smelled it. I heard it. I witnessed the incredible poverty of hope that can pierce the air without a ripple. It moved me in a way that I cannot describe.
That first night - after walking through the slums - I sat at the window of my room looking out into the strange streets of Nairobi. I cried for hours. That kind of weeping that comes from deep inside. Sobbing. Exhausting. Releasing. Grief. Accomplishment. Sadness. Overcome by her death. By the extreme poverty. By the sadness in those people’s eyes that looked so much like my sister’s in those last months. By the emptiness of loss. And somehow, after awhile, a release of extreme gratitude. For having known her. For being inspired by her confidence in me. For knowing that she was finally completely fulfilled and loved in God’s presence. For knowing that God had some stuff for me to finish - and that meant I needed to get started. And not just Africa. I was just beginning, and beginning is only half done!
Fear paralyzes. In the Bible, Matthew writes that after a storm scared the disciples, Jesus said to them, ‘You of little faith, why are you so afraid?’ Fear paralyzed the men who had actually seen Jesus heal with a touch, a word, a look. They SAW miracles. And still they feared. Fear fixates us on what is lacking, instead of what is abundant. God’s love and power and, thankfully, grace are abundant. Fear keeps us from the extreme pleasure of knowing the exciting, enthralling, inspiring goodness that God has in store for us.
And it begins with a resolution - at the start of a new year or anytime. A resolution to stop taking life for granted; to take hold of that fear that stops you from taking the first step. Don’t waste another New Year’s resolution on losing weight. My prayer is that you’ll join me - not in Africa, perhaps, but in the pursuit of what God has created you to do!!!
So, for me, here’s to a New Year, and a resolution to go ‘at it again’ - to trounce on those fears. To feel, again, the exhilaration of relying on God to get me through. 2009 was a year not soon to be forgotten. I resolve to do the same in 2010!!
