I Don’t Like Women

Posted on May 5, 2009 by Terri

At church this past Sunday, I was talking with one of our ushers and she said she didn’t want to attend CLEAR’s conference in June because she doesn’t really like being around women. I wasn’t at all shocked by what she said. For many years, I didn’t like being around women either. I bet we’re not the only two women who’ve felt or feel this way! We females can be so hard on each other.

I’ve been on the receiving end of mean girl stuff and I’ve dished out plenty of my own stuff as well. At nine, my two best friends would regularly turn their backs on me and literally walk home from school on the opposite side of the street. In junior high, a friend wrote notes and put them in my locker, making me think I had a secret admirer. I didn’t make the drill team in high school because I wasn’t “in” with the upper class girls. As an adult, I was looked down on by the stay-at-home moms because I worked outside my home. Wives whose husbands worked for mine wouldn’t speak to me.

What I did to be that mean girl was use my brain and abilities to get back. I ran for class president in 10th grade simply because I knew I could beat my opponent – she was the girl who put the secret admirer notes in my locker. I had no interest in school government. For years I used words and relationships to demean and intimidate those girls and women who’d hurt me in the past.

It finally dawned on me about 10 years ago, that we women need to be for each other, not against each other. I needed to support women who made the choice to stay home with their kids and I needed their support for my choice to be in the workplace. I needed to celebrate other women’s accomplishments, not be envious. I needed to reach out to women who were struggling and lend them a hand. I needed to stop gossiping and criticizing when other women weren’t like me. I had to stop being a mean girl and become a nice woman.

Following Jesus has helped me become a ‘nicer’ woman. I still struggle with the old conduct, but what’s helped me change is my desire to show others who Jesus is through my words and actions. I can’t show other women who God is if I’m cold, jealous, deceitful and judgmental. Jesus is the opposite of those things.

I like women more now than I ever have. I hope that someday my usher friend feels the same way. We women would have so much more potential personally and together if we’d get on the same team. Am I wishful thinking? Is it possible for us girls to be for each other and not against? Can we be warm, supportive, honest and accepting of each other. I certainly hope so! The question is: Are we willing to do what it takes?

Under the Influence

Posted on May 3, 2009 by Terri

We’re just seven short weeks away from CLEAR’s first women’s conference: Under the Influence. I’m not sure how many women from my church and my community have attended a conference specifically designed for them. I’ve attended a few myself: Women of Faith, Willow Creek’s Gifted to Lead, Small Groups and Outreach conferences and Catalyst. There’s a lot to be gained from the perspectives and experiences of others out there in church world. It’s also good to get away from the day-to-day stuff to spend some time focused on your spiritual needs.

We chose the name Under the Influence because of our desire to help women live completely under God’s influence. It took me nearly 40 years to figure out that I needed to let God lead my life and not everybody else who thought they knew what was best for me. Here I am 10 years later more grateful than ever that I made the decision to let God take the driver’s seat! I’d love for all women to know what living under God’s influence means.

As with everything we do in CLEAR, this conference will be full of laughter, interaction with other women, challenging questions, fun and a few surprises. Keynote speaker, Sally Morgenthaler, has an amazing story that will inspire all of us. For the first time at a CLEAR event, worship will be led by women. I encourage you to be part of these experiences and all the other things we have in store June 13th (10:00 AM – 4:00 PM)!

If you want more information, let me know. I can be reached at 610.792.0777 ext. 207 or terri@moviechurch.com. If you’d like to register, simply click here.

Story of Influence III

Posted on March 19, 2009 by Diane

Third in a series of posts about Stories of Influence.

Years ago, I memorized a verse from the Bible (and I am not a ‘memorizing-kind’, so this one had some impact!!). “If you forgive others, God will forgive you. If you don’t, he won’t.” (OK, my own personal paraphrase!). I have many things I need to continue to work on, but, thankfully, forgivenss is not one of them. It comes easily to me, cause I know that I have much to be forgiven for!!!

What I’ve learned from this habit, is that forgiveness – in and of itself – is influence. It is powerful influence. It is the practical side of love that is unexplainable, unfathomable, unbelievable.

A moving account from a woman in Rwanda published in the Wall Street Journal last year illustrates it well:

The woman “spoke of surviving multiple gang rapes, running at night in fear of losing her life, going days without food or water and witnessing the death of her entire family. She sat calmly beside a man who had admitted to killing people during the war who were guilty of nothing more than seeking shelter in a church. She forgave him. She forgave the perpetrators of her tragedy, and she explained her story with hope that such cruelty would never be repeated.”

Can you imagine what that man must have been feeling? He had locked people – human beings – people this woman may have known – in a church, of all places. Locked them in. Then set fire to the building and listened to them scream as the flames engulfed them. Graphic, yes. Unforgiveable, absolutely. But then she shows up with the unthinkable. Forgiveness! After all that “his kind” had done to her. After what he personally did.

The author summed up the story with this line: “Look to the women, like these, who form the backbone of every society.”

I think there are two words left out of that last statement that I think sum it up even more clearly… “Look to the women, like these, who forgive who form the backbone of every society.”

Women are everywhere.

Women have influence.

Story of Influence II

Posted on March 18, 2009 by Diane

Second in a series of posts about Stories of Influence.

Women are everywhere.

Women have influence.

Back in the 1980’s land rights in Brazil were not disputed – whoever had the biggest bulldozer and got to the jungle first, got the land. In San Paulo, Brazil, a bulldozer owned by a gun-toting rancher, stood ready to take possession of another piece of the jungle. The police protected this method of ‘farming’ by just turning their heads and letting it happen.

This time it was a babassu palm forest. These trees produce an oil that is used in cosmetics, lotions and soaps. It came from the leaves of the trees, so destruction of the forest was a death knoll to those who farmed the jungle for the palm oil.

Workers in the field – all women – were unprotected, unrepresented. But one of them, Diocina Lopes, had enough. She was tired of sitting back and being run over, literally. She had kids to feed, and no other way to feed them than to harvest the palm leaves. So she rallied the other women and they stood in front of the bulldozer. And they did it again and again, until finally the government recognized their land rights, and shut down the practice of bulldozing for land rights. As a result, the women in this area of the Amazon jungle went on to produce a palm-oil soap that eventually grew into an export business. They called it the ‘women’s soap.’

I am not a political activist, a protestor, a sign carrying anti-anything. But should I be? In the safety and quiet of my secure home, I wonder about that a lot lately, particularly with the current state of the world, our economy, our government. Funny thing is, when I think of doing something, it’s not all that dramatic and powerful – I’ll write a letter to my congressman, gosh darn it. I’ll tell him a thing or two or three. Yeah, that’s good…but what has to happen to get me to that point where I will stand in front of a bulldozer and say ‘enough is enough?’

Diocina didn’t have to step forward. She could have just moved on to the next palm-oil forest and continued to squeeze out a living. She chose to mobilize the women she had influence over, and made a difference in the life of that community. She and the women who joined her changed their future, and their children’s future.

Story of Influence I

Posted on March 17, 2009 by Diane

First in a series of posts about Stories of Influence (click to see a list of the other stories in the series).

Last month I had the privilege to go to Kenya with a group from our church to uncover needs and identify areas where we, as a community, can help. We went to the oldest and one of the largest slum in Africa – the Mathare slums in Nairobi. Seventeen miles along the Mathare River. 2.5 million people. Incredibly deplorable conditions. Metal shanties for homes. Gutters for toilets. No electricity. No running water.

The women I met make a living selling fruit, vegetables, flatbread, soap, and sometimes their bodies, in order to feed their children. But these women didn’t see the poverty that surrounded them. Not really. Incredibly, what they focused on each day was the hope that comes from knowing God – and knowing they are no longer alone. These women had a palpable, visible influence on their community and because of it, this community within the massive slum was different. It felt safer, cleaner somehow, less oppressive. These women are choosing to make a difference in the life of that community.

While sitting and talking to them amid the squalor, and the sounds, and the horrific smell, they emitted this peace that is hard to describe. I did not see what many have called a ‘famine in the soul’ of those who live in abject poverty. I saw hope when I looked into the eyes of these women. There was no famine in these souls. There was light. Really bright light born out of the belief that they have hope with Jesus.

My own faith seemed contrite and trivial in the light of theirs. ‘Having’ can be the enemy of imagining. I spend so much time managing and protecting what I have, that I too often forget to imagine, to ponder, to wonder about the really important stuff. The stuff that we can’t buy, even on credit. Love. Forgiveness. Peace.

These women of the Mathare Valley could choose to turn their backs on a God they cannot see. A God who is not doing anything to change their circumstances. But they choose to love him, to have hope in him, to live like he would want them to live.

They are choosing God’s hope, and as a result are influencing everyone in their path. They can’t help it. It just shines out of them!!

See other stories in the series…

Stories of Influence

Posted on March 16, 2009 by Diane

Women are everywhere.

Women have Influence.

The question – do they know it? And do they use it to positively impact their circles of life – The grocery stores. The soccer fields. The schools where the kids attend. The businesses where we work. The extended families.

For the next few posts, I want to share a few stories about women, most in very different cultures and much lower income levels, than most of us. But all are women who have the same internal workings as we do. All are wired emotionally exactly like all of us. All would do anything for their kids. All love to laugh, to style their hair, to have friends. All are touched by the miraculous, by beauty and by childrens’ smiles. And, just like us, they are neck-deep in their communities – in their life circles.

I chose these particular stories because each one showcased a different way of looking at the Influence that women can have in this world – in the world right outside our back door, or the larger globe. Some will sound grandiose, beyond our believability level. But some are not so grandiose. Some are just making choices about how to feel, how to move on. But in all, the influence of these women in their individual cultures will smack you upside the head – at least they did that to me.

Please know these stories are not in anyway meant to be a knock on men – no man-bashing! It is not a comparison, a rivalry or an attack. It’s just simply stating what may not be so obvious for whatever reason – that women have impacted their immediate culture – no matter what the culture is. I hope you each see yourself in the faces and stories of these women. I hope you each see how being a woman in whatever circle of life you find yourself, can have a profound impact on those around you.

Women are everywhere.

Women have influence.

Stay tuned for the stories!

Story of Influence I

Story of Influence II

Story of Influence III

Story of Influence IV