What if…?

Posted on November 9, 2009 by Diane

from Diane’s desk…

On my way home today, I was lamenting my body. As usual. Too big, too fat, too bumpy, too lumpy – you know the drill! And this thought popped into my head – what if I can never lose a pound? What if my bumpy thighs and thick, muffintop waistline, are mine forever. I own them. What if all of this is mine.

What if all of your body image challenges – your height, your ‘cankles’, your weight, your skin color, your nose, your eyelashes, your toes – will never change (and in most cases, they won’t!).

It will never change.

Think about that for a moment. It’s a sobering thought.

For any of you who avoid mirrors, or hide behind clothes too big for your body, or hate the exposure of summer clothes. For any of you who hide from life to hide your body. This post is for you! (For the rest of you, keep up the great self-image!! Awesome!!)

But this ‘What if…?’ epiphany changed something in me.

When I got home, I went into the bathroom and took a look at my body. I took off my clothes and stood in front of the mirror. For awhile. And I cried. I cried because it had been a really long time since I had done that. A really long time.

And I cried because I realized that God had given me every single inch of my large frame. Every bump and jiggle – God loves every inch. Every muffin top – God loves every one.

I know that a healthy body is a thinner one. I know that. (So all your health nuts, don’t panic!!) But to get there, I think I had to arrive here first. To love what is staring back at me in the mirror. To touch it all. And to love it all, just like God does. To know that no matter what – even when we gain weight, lose hair, get a zit – God loves it. All of it. All of it. All of it!!!!

What if…? What if you loved every inch of yourself the way God loves?

Love is patient, kind. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Cor. 13

Does this describe how you love yourself? Is this how you think about yourself when you look in the mirror?

It’s what God is thinking when he looks at us. It’s how God loves.

What if…?

Spanx 5 – Rely on God

Posted on October 25, 2009 by Diane

We rely too much on ourselves, and too little on God.

Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ~Matthew 6.25

Gosh, wouldn’t it be so cool if we could see the world, others, and ourselves as God does. Gosh, wouldn’t it be so cool if we could live life as if God was at our side, sometimes pulling, sometimes pushing us along. Encouraging us. Believing in us. Loving on us. Too bad we spend our lives thinking we are alone in the battle. Too bad that we spend so much time and energy hiding the authentic person that God needs to be fully activated. Too bad that we wear our Spanx so tight that even God can’t get in.

But all of that is a decision we are making. And decisions can be changed, altered, reversed.

Spanx are good to manage people’s perceptions about our body. They help with our body image, our self-esteem. They make clothes feel more comfortable. None of this happens when we Spanx our real uniqueness. We end up in constant state of withdrawal, uncertainty, fear of discovery.

We overthink our ideas.

We underthink our value.

We are in constant comparison of our insides with everyone else’s outsides.

We are in continuous denial of authenticity.

We rely too much on ourselves, and too little on God.

Sad part of all of this is that when you do this for years and years, it starts to feel normal. I don’t think God sees it that way.

His normal is a little different…no Spanx involved!

Spanx 4 – Denial

Posted on October 24, 2009 by Diane

Ah, the bumps and wiggles that a Spanx hides. I don’t deny I need the stupid little invention. But too often, I deny the existence of the real me. I deny that there is someone else – the real me – lurking under the tight reins I have wrapped around myself.

We are in continuous denial of authenticity. Deep down we know who we are. Deep down we know exactly the kind of person that we want to be. But we expend a great deal of energy in denying that the authentic ‘me’ is what God really wants us to expose to the world. Better that I masquerade, than I unmask!! Better that I expend my energies hiding.

spanx-pic2 But what might happen if you take a step beyond the protective covering? What’s the worse thing that could happen? Really.

Brennan Manning wrote ‘there is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are.’

Next Spanx: We rely too much on ourselves, and too little on God.

Spanx 3 – Comparison

Posted on October 23, 2009 by Diane

We are in constant comparison of our insides with everyone else’s outsides.

Ah, the black ooze of the real me.

And ah, the seeming perfection of everyone else – they look and smell and talk and act and think perfectly. Or do they…???

The face that we, and everyone else, show to the world is as close to perfect as we can possibly get it. It’s only when we honestly look inside ourselves that we see the blackness. Then we look around our world at the bright, shiny faces of the inauthentic. And we come up short. We tighten up the Spanx a bit. We, too, need to present the inauthentic perfection so that everyone has something to compare themselves to, so they can come up short.

And around and around it goes.

But the vicious circle can be stopped. We each have to remember that everyone has their own story. Everyone has their own black ooze to deal with. And reacting to others by tightening up our hold on our uniqueness defeats God’s purposes. People excel in so many ways when they are in authentic community with each other. When everyone ungirds and releases. But inauthentic people will sit it out, rest on the bench on the sidelines. Never engaging.

Before Jesus left earth to go to heaven, he walked on the beach with Peter. A ways behind, walked John. Jesus had just forgiven Peter for denying that he knew him when Jesus really needed him. Instead of feeling the full weight of the burden that had just been lifted, Peter chose to compare. As Peter glanced back at John…

When Peter saw him, he asked, Lord, what about him? Jesus answered, If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me. ~John 21.20-22

No matter what seeming perfection you see when you look at others – when you glance back, I ask you…what is that to you?

Next Spanx: We are in continuous denial of authenticity.

Spanx 2 – Underthink

Posted on October 22, 2009 by Diane

When you wear a Spanx, you tighten up all of the wiggles and bumps of a normal body. You keep it all buttoned up in a tight corset of protection. Deceiving yourself and others about your true body. Love Spanx!

But too often we use the same philosophy to hide – to Spanx – our God-given uniqueness. Here’s one way we do that…

We underthink our value. For me, this plaques me most when I am surrounded by people who appear more creative, quicker with their comments, sharper with their communication. It’s a comparison game I too often lose.

God knew us before we were even born. He knows how many hairs we have on our head. He knows what we think, what we love, what we worry about. And he knows what talents, gifts and abilities he gave us. He knows what we are capable of doing and being. He did not create us to hide ourselves in a corner, or under a layer of girdled rayon. He created us to add value to the world.

Craig Groeschel says, “You are not who people say you are. You are who God says you are.”

So, we should strive first to see ourselves as God sees us – to see and realize and internalize the value he sees in us. Take off the Spanx and let it out. Show the world what God created you to be.

Only let me live up to what I have already attained for which God called me. ~Phil. 3.16

Next Spanx: We are in constant comparison of our insides to everyone else’s outsides!

Spanx I – Overthink

Posted on October 21, 2009 by Diane

Spanx.

The greatest invention since the curling iron!!

Comfortable corset, requiring a level of sweat equity to earn the smooth curves. Sausage casing holding back the lumps and bumps, wiggles and bounces of our physical body.

Restrictive. Tight. Binding. Hiding what you really are.

But even though we do that with our body, the more deceptive camouflage is the Spanx we wear around our own uniqueness – the real you! We girdle our creativity in the name of a ‘normal’ life, guarding the perception that we fit with everyone else. That we are accepted, and involved, and somehow, OK because of it. We never really let the ‘real me’ out for fear that we wouldn’t fit, we would be ignored, disliked, avoided.

Spanx of Uniqueness comes in many forms. Over the next few posts, starting today, I’ll highlight a few that have plagued me. There are probably many more. But for me, these are a few for which I remain in a perpetual sweat keeping them all in the right place.

We overthink our ideas. Instead of just getting our ideas out there in the light of day, we turn them over and over in our head; noodle on them; analyze them. And too often that analysis is peppered with our own fears of acceptance. Once those fears take over, the ideas are deadened, tightly held in the Spanx cocoon. Safe from probing judgments of others. Safe from rejection. Too bad. The world sure could use creative ideas from a mind that thinks differently than anyone else’s.

Next Spanx…we underthink our value.

Conversations

Posted on October 17, 2009 by Diane

Today we held the first monthly Conversations for Women. Conversations is not a Bible study, support group, or even a Small Group or Home Team. It is a few women who get together to discuss questions that are on their mind about the Bible, their faith, God, coming from the Catholic church to a non-denominational church like CCV, prayer, and lots of things in between. There were some interesting questions, for sure!! (Thank goodness, Bible-thumper Terri Stone was there to bring some clarity to some of ‘em!!)

I think that all us left knowing a few more answers than when we came in. And just validating that we are not alone on this journey helped to bring some clarity to this God thing!

The beauty of Conversations lies in its format. No prework. No prereading. Just bring your questions, and a willingness to engage in an unformatted, unstructured conversation about what’s on women’s hearts. And, anyone can jump in and out of the monthly Conversation. If you didn’t make it this month, come next month.

Start jotting down your questions now!!

Real discussions! Real Conversations! Hope more of you can join us next month!

Two by Fours!

Posted on October 11, 2009 by Diane

In my Home Team, we are studying the New Testament book of Luke. It’s been a great refresher for me of a book that I have seldom read, for whatever reason. For me, I think of Luke as the origin of the real Christmas story – you know the one that is told every year on the TV show, Charlie Brown’s Christmas. I am finding there is much more to Luke than a sweet cartoon character’s words.

Luke writes from an interesting perspective – never met Jesus, reiterates parts of the other Gospels, has a physician’s clinical perspective (ie, here’s the problem, here’s what to do about it), and always gives a bit of historical perspective so you can tell when the events happened.

Last week we got into a discussion about judging others.

Why do you look at the speck in your friend’s eye, and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ~Luke 6.41

The whole discussion had a bit of rawness to it. It started with some joking around about how we judge others, making light of some of our unspoken thoughts, as well as some of our text messages to friends about our thoughts about others. But after the joking subsided, there was a heavy moment of reflection. It was a hard topic. A really hard, raw topic. We were uncovering some of that black ooze that lives inside our souls – sin that we enjoy. We did not reach any resolution, other than getting it ‘out there’.

I guess the question that remains for me…do I really accept the fact that I have a plank in my own eye? I don’t think I do. Or, perhaps more realistically, do I think I can just push it aside and that gives me the right to judge someone else’s actions, looks, clothes, voice…whatever? Feeling just a little bit better than them, and just a bit better about myself in comparison. That is not what Luke says…

You hypocrite, FIRST, take the plank out of your own eye, then you can see clearly to remove the speck from another’s eye. ~Luke 6.42

(Side note – isn’t it interesting that Luke compares our sin as the size of a plank, and someone else’s as a speck!? Wassup with that!? See Philippians 2.3 for some insight!)

I think going through the pain of dealing with the plank, actually provides me the perspective – the compassionate view – to help me see what the other person is going through BEFORE I open up my heap of judgment. And, perhaps, that’s all these verses are about – cut each other a break; pause and consider your hangups and your flaws FIRST…then lend a hand to someone else to help them deal with theirs!!

Be Hospitable, Think of Others

Posted on September 30, 2009 by Terri

After the brunch earlier this month, I talked with a few women who shared their negative experiences at their tables. And not just at this brunch, but at others in the past. One woman said, “I brought a friend and not one person at our table said hello or introduced themselves.” Another shared about a woman at her table who dominated the conversation, never giving anyone else a chance to interact. There were two women, none at the table knew, who never even got a hello. One other confided that three women at her table critized what CLEAR is and isn’t doing the entire morning all the while a woman who’d never attended sat there and listened. I was surprised these things would happen at a CLEAR event, NOT! At an event filled with women, of course there’s going to be some interesting situations. We’re still learning to be kind and accepting of one another and to think outside ourselves.

I know these things happen amongst women, because at one point in my life this was my game. I was the queen of sizing up another woman and deciding right there and then whether or not I’d welcome her into my presence! From that point on, I’d either chat it up with the woman or I was aloof and distant. I also loved to look on while others did their thing making comments on how I would do this or that and how much better it would be. I hurt so many women in my life with my behavior, co-workers, family members, neighbors.

In thinking and praying about how we change this within CLEAR, I thought of some of the passages in the Bible that talk about hospitality. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need, practice hospitality – Romans 12:13; Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers… – Hebrews 13:2; Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling – 1 Peter 4:9; We ought therefore show hospitality to such people… – 3 John 1:8.

Thank goodness there’s a flipside to the negative experiences. At the last brunch, I noticed two very good friends sitting at separate tables. I knew what they were doing without having talked to either one. These two women intentionally made the decision to mingle and meet new women. A woman at the table where the conversation was dominated by the one went to the two newcomers after the brunch and introduced herself.

Women, we’ve got to do it. We’ve got to show hospitality. I know we’re not all wired up the same way, some of us are shy, some of us love meeting people and some of us share too much. But for those of us who follow Jesus, the Bible’s pretty clear on how we should respond to those with whom we rub shoulders. It’s the better way. We all want to be known, loved and accepted. So I’m throwing out the challenge to all of us to be hospitable, and not just at a CLEAR brunch once a quarter, but in all situations.

Conversations

Posted on September 18, 2009 by Terri

Conversations is a group for women who have questions or just want to talk about the Bible, Christianity, prayer, the church, God, Jesus. The group will meet the 3rd Saturday of every month at 9:00 AM. The first Conversation is Saturday, October 17th in Classroom #1 upstairs in the children’s building. For more information, contact Terri Stone at 610.792.0777 ext. 207 or terri@moviechurch.com.

Join the Conversation!